Victorian Max

My ol' roomie from Duke, Addy, finally asked quite candidly what many have probably wondered, why I dress baby Max up like a girl. In my own defense, I like to think of his outfits as unisex (purple, yellow, beige) since I don't actually put him in dresses or skirts. But I'll admit he has, until recently, had a little ponytail on the top of his head or a barette which is inarguably girlish.

Hey, everyone, give me a break! I have THREE sons, one Korean husband (i.e. another boy to care for), and a eunuch cat. I am the only XX chromosome in the household. I refuse to be drowned in oppressive black, blue, and camo wherever I turn. So while I still have a say in the matter as the Queen Bee, I choose to add female touches to the house, including to my boys. All of them have had the privilege of going through a "girl" phase with a little pony tail. It's really Connor's fault that he was born with such a gorgeous head of thick naturally curly hair that grew into a curly mane fit for a fairytale princess. It was just impossible to cut that off, at least until he was three and the other kids refused to believe that he was a boy. After Connor, I had to give Benji and Max the chance to grow beautiful hair too, although theirs was never as thick or curly. Lucky for me, none of my boys talk much in toddlerhood so they never could complain. So to spite fate, I enjoyed, for a time, playing with them like little dolls, and went so far as to buy a great Barbie video for them, the Princess and the Pauper, to nurture their feminine side. Lacking prejudice and judgement in their innocent years, they absolutely loved it, music and dancing and all.

On a philosophical level, I hope that my boys will grow up exposed to a range of gender roles so they will feel secure in themselves and capable as adults. I like to think that my mom, who went back to work in defense after we were in school, provided me a model of women's lib before her time. Today, my sons already see Mommy and Daddy both working in the same profession, both earning money, both driving the van, and taking part in school activities and child rearing. They see both boys and girls participating equally in martial arts, even paired up against each other to wrestle and spar. Connor will be dancing next to boys and girls in the Chinese New Year production next week. I had hoped that they would see more of Daddy cooking in the kitchen, but you can't have everything! Society's influence on gender roles is so pervasive (particularly in Asian cultures and the Church) that I only hope to play a small role in maintaining some healthy balance in our home.

That is why I was so tickled to find this article in Saturday's Washington Post, about President Wilson's personal doctor, Dr. Cary T. Grayson, who apparently had three sons of his own. The photograph (above) shows the youngest dressed in post-Victorian times as a girl. How progressive of them, even in the 1920's. So, my short-answer to why I dress little Max up like a girl should probably be simply that I'm a big fan of the Victorian era. How's that?