Useless Talents
I finally have 2 minutes out of the past 2 months to post a new entry to my long-forsaken blog. It has been admittedly my own fault as I have joined ranks of Scary Parents everywhere who have enrolled their 6 year olds in every extracurricular activity under the sun, leaving the entire family with practically no free time whatsoever. Nevertheless, my mind does occasionally wander back to my dear blog and I have wanted to write this one for sometime.
I am a woman of few truly useful talents. I'm not super bright, especially in terms of common sense. I never enjoyed or excelled at any sport. My piano is barely passable to all but the ears of my dear children. I can safely say that I have achieved mediocrity in pretty much all of my childhood and adult endeavors -- ballet, tap, tae kwon do, roller-skating, ice skating swimming, girl scouts, speed-reading, jazz band, math club, track, flag team, cello, voice, horsebackriding, and so on.
On the bright side, I do proudly possess some completely useless talents. I have an extaordinary sense of smell, enough to assault my olfactory bulbs with even a molecule of circulating stench, usually from a dirty diaper, and in unfortunate instances from the armpits of passing strangers. I can do wonders with leftover food, re-creating gustatory delights for my family with the nearly-expired contents of practically ancient doggy-bags -- stir-fry with some frozen edamame and, voila, a 4 star meal! I have a fantastic ability to recognize familiar faces and link them to different entertainment media (i.e. B-list actors who appeared in a particular movie 7 years ago). This talent is completely removed from any ability to name these thespians or to remember anyone's name at all, even neighbors who we see nearly everyday and at every community event. (I had wanted to suggest nametags for our annual neighborhood block party, but Bob nixed that idea out of embarassment that we would be the only ones needing them.) Last but not least, I can guesstimate to within 5 percent the total value of any restaurant or shopping bill, with or without tip included. It's admittedly a skill that is amazing to behold, especially after a multi-course, multi-person meal. It's as if I have a cash register tucked inside my frontal lobe. I am a freak of nature, an idiot-savant. Hmmmm, where did I put those toothpicks?
I am a woman of few truly useful talents. I'm not super bright, especially in terms of common sense. I never enjoyed or excelled at any sport. My piano is barely passable to all but the ears of my dear children. I can safely say that I have achieved mediocrity in pretty much all of my childhood and adult endeavors -- ballet, tap, tae kwon do, roller-skating, ice skating swimming, girl scouts, speed-reading, jazz band, math club, track, flag team, cello, voice, horsebackriding, and so on.
On the bright side, I do proudly possess some completely useless talents. I have an extaordinary sense of smell, enough to assault my olfactory bulbs with even a molecule of circulating stench, usually from a dirty diaper, and in unfortunate instances from the armpits of passing strangers. I can do wonders with leftover food, re-creating gustatory delights for my family with the nearly-expired contents of practically ancient doggy-bags -- stir-fry with some frozen edamame and, voila, a 4 star meal! I have a fantastic ability to recognize familiar faces and link them to different entertainment media (i.e. B-list actors who appeared in a particular movie 7 years ago). This talent is completely removed from any ability to name these thespians or to remember anyone's name at all, even neighbors who we see nearly everyday and at every community event. (I had wanted to suggest nametags for our annual neighborhood block party, but Bob nixed that idea out of embarassment that we would be the only ones needing them.) Last but not least, I can guesstimate to within 5 percent the total value of any restaurant or shopping bill, with or without tip included. It's admittedly a skill that is amazing to behold, especially after a multi-course, multi-person meal. It's as if I have a cash register tucked inside my frontal lobe. I am a freak of nature, an idiot-savant. Hmmmm, where did I put those toothpicks?
posted by Ting at 2:12 PM
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